Saturday, 14 January 2012
Friday, 23 December 2011
Christmas Schedule View-A-Thon 5000 - Christmas Weekend
Christmas weekend, here are some things that are on the telly.
Christmas Eve
Don't watch the TV until noon because before then there are a lot of bad films. Films like Garfield and Dudley Moore's Santa Claus The Movie. Just don't do it.
The Muppet Christmas Carol (Channel 4) 12.00pm - Muppets perform Dickens' tale with the usual puppety results. Contains Michael Caine.
The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe (BBC 1) 5.50pm - CS Lewis's story about magic Jesus lions and Turkish delight is given the Hollywood treatment. The child cast were rescued from a workhouse to appear in this film. They were then sold on for parts.
BBC 2 have a compilation of Morecambe and Wise shows and then a profile and a clip show about Les Dawson. There's then a Top of the Pops special and a documentary about the making of Blackadder. That's a pretty great line up and it begins at 8pm or you could tune in at 7pm if you want to watch a special about John Craven. Great stuff.
Channel Four is showing Bill Bailey - Dandelion Mind at 10.55pm which is not the strongest of his live shows but still good fun. Following that though is a Christmas classic which should be shown at a proper bloody time:
Father Ted - A Christmassy Ted (Channel 4) 11.55pm - Father Ted celebrates Christmas by getting lost in a lingerie department and then accepting a Golden Cleric award. Oh and Mrs Doyle is replaced by a tea machine. This is a classic Christmas special and should be shown at prime time instead of tucked away in the graveyard slot.
THEN GO TO BED BECAUSE FATHER CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND HE WON'T DELIVER YOUR PRESENTS IF YOU'RE AWAKE.
Christmas Day
It's Christmas Day, I'm not going to tell you what to do.
Well, other than tell you that Doctor Who is on at 7pm. Only inhuman monsters don't like Doctor Who.
You're not an inhuman monster are you?
And on that note - MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I will see you next year for more of the same, have a great time and try not to eat all the trifle as that's my favourite.
Christmas Eve
Don't watch the TV until noon because before then there are a lot of bad films. Films like Garfield and Dudley Moore's Santa Claus The Movie. Just don't do it.
The Muppet Christmas Carol (Channel 4) 12.00pm - Muppets perform Dickens' tale with the usual puppety results. Contains Michael Caine.
The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe (BBC 1) 5.50pm - CS Lewis's story about magic Jesus lions and Turkish delight is given the Hollywood treatment. The child cast were rescued from a workhouse to appear in this film. They were then sold on for parts.
BBC 2 have a compilation of Morecambe and Wise shows and then a profile and a clip show about Les Dawson. There's then a Top of the Pops special and a documentary about the making of Blackadder. That's a pretty great line up and it begins at 8pm or you could tune in at 7pm if you want to watch a special about John Craven. Great stuff.
Channel Four is showing Bill Bailey - Dandelion Mind at 10.55pm which is not the strongest of his live shows but still good fun. Following that though is a Christmas classic which should be shown at a proper bloody time:
Father Ted - A Christmassy Ted (Channel 4) 11.55pm - Father Ted celebrates Christmas by getting lost in a lingerie department and then accepting a Golden Cleric award. Oh and Mrs Doyle is replaced by a tea machine. This is a classic Christmas special and should be shown at prime time instead of tucked away in the graveyard slot.
THEN GO TO BED BECAUSE FATHER CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND HE WON'T DELIVER YOUR PRESENTS IF YOU'RE AWAKE.
Christmas Day
It's Christmas Day, I'm not going to tell you what to do.
Well, other than tell you that Doctor Who is on at 7pm. Only inhuman monsters don't like Doctor Who.
You're not an inhuman monster are you?
And on that note - MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I will see you next year for more of the same, have a great time and try not to eat all the trifle as that's my favourite.
Christmas Schedule View-A-Thon 5000 - Friday December 23rd
The first week of festive programmes is almost at an end. How have you enjoyed it so far? It's been rubbish hasn't it? Let's hope that the Christmas weekend can make up for a lacklustre showing...
Oh bobbins.
Nativity! (BBC 2) 6.20pm - Is this good? I don't know. It has Martin Freeman who was Tim from The Office and then Arthur Dent and then Doctor Watson and now he's Bilbo Baggins. Maybe he'll look into the camera a lot or perhaps go on an adventure. Seems he has to direct a school play. I'm sure there'll be some scenes where you'll see him desperately trying not to break the fourth wall.
Shrek (BBC 3) 7.25pm - The first one, the good one. The one that was an unexpected smash hit before the franchise was exploited with endless sequels and spin offs. Mike Myers' Scottish accent is still pretty bobbins though. "Arrrmmm an Oguurrrrrrr!"
Hitman (Film 4) 9.00pm - Hitman is rubbish but sometimes you just want to watch people get shot and see things explode. This movie contains those things.
Fight Club (Film 4) 11.00pm - This film is bloody marvellous and is my favourite David Fincher movie. A darkly comic story about anarchy, violence, advertising, office jobs, and Brad Pitt in a variety of bizarre outfits.
The Inbetweeners is on all bloody night and morning long on Channel 4 from 11.10pm onwards. BUS WANKERS.
Or you could watch The Nutty Professor at 11.30pm on ITV 2, you idiot.
Oh bobbins.
Nativity! (BBC 2) 6.20pm - Is this good? I don't know. It has Martin Freeman who was Tim from The Office and then Arthur Dent and then Doctor Watson and now he's Bilbo Baggins. Maybe he'll look into the camera a lot or perhaps go on an adventure. Seems he has to direct a school play. I'm sure there'll be some scenes where you'll see him desperately trying not to break the fourth wall.
Shrek (BBC 3) 7.25pm - The first one, the good one. The one that was an unexpected smash hit before the franchise was exploited with endless sequels and spin offs. Mike Myers' Scottish accent is still pretty bobbins though. "Arrrmmm an Oguurrrrrrr!"
Hitman (Film 4) 9.00pm - Hitman is rubbish but sometimes you just want to watch people get shot and see things explode. This movie contains those things.
Fight Club (Film 4) 11.00pm - This film is bloody marvellous and is my favourite David Fincher movie. A darkly comic story about anarchy, violence, advertising, office jobs, and Brad Pitt in a variety of bizarre outfits.
The Inbetweeners is on all bloody night and morning long on Channel 4 from 11.10pm onwards. BUS WANKERS.
Or you could watch The Nutty Professor at 11.30pm on ITV 2, you idiot.
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Christmas Schedule View-A-Thon 5000 - Thursday 22nd December
I tweeted a couple of things about this evening's schedule. Basically there's not a lot on, you should probably wrap your presents or roast a log or put a turkey in a bucket.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Christmas Schedule View-A-Thon 5000 - Wednesday 21st December
Hello again, here's what's on the TV on Wednesday 21st December.
Freaky Friday (Channel Four) 11.30am - The one from 1976 with Jodie Foster in. Obviously better than the more recent Lindsay Lohan vehicle.
Oliver Twist (Channel Four) 1.25pm - A recent Ben Kingsley version, not seen it but hey, Charles Dickens. Also couldn't be as bad as The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff, which was a bit shite. I wanted to like it but it's just wasn't funny. What a shame.
Top of the Pops Christmas Special (BBC 2) 7.30pm - Mark Radcliffe (my favourite ex-Radio One DJ) hosts the show which is a compilation of vintage clips. It's probably going to be 90 minutes of taking the piss out of old Christmas hits and Christmas outfits. That's not a bad thing (may actually be a bad thing).
Bad Santa (Channel Four) 9pm - Billy Bob Thornton is the best (worst) shopping mall Santa ever. A great film and one for the Christmas misanthropes of the world.
Freaky Friday (Channel Four) 11.30am - The one from 1976 with Jodie Foster in. Obviously better than the more recent Lindsay Lohan vehicle.
Oliver Twist (Channel Four) 1.25pm - A recent Ben Kingsley version, not seen it but hey, Charles Dickens. Also couldn't be as bad as The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff, which was a bit shite. I wanted to like it but it's just wasn't funny. What a shame.
Top of the Pops Christmas Special (BBC 2) 7.30pm - Mark Radcliffe (my favourite ex-Radio One DJ) hosts the show which is a compilation of vintage clips. It's probably going to be 90 minutes of taking the piss out of old Christmas hits and Christmas outfits. That's not a bad thing (may actually be a bad thing).
Bad Santa (Channel Four) 9pm - Billy Bob Thornton is the best (worst) shopping mall Santa ever. A great film and one for the Christmas misanthropes of the world.
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