Hope you're enjoying the evening so far, please avoid the apples, I hear they have raisins in them.
Sorry, razors.
Here is Limmy off that Limmy's Show with his own scary story.
Showing posts with label videos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label videos. Show all posts
Monday, 31 October 2011
Halloween-O-Thon Part The First
Hello, it's Halloween night so I thought I'd share some of the scariest videos and posts with you. First up is this bone chilling tale from a very young Stephen Fry.
Brace yourself for the horror that is, The Letter.
Brace yourself for the horror that is, The Letter.
Tuesday, 11 October 2011
Web Snark - Dragon Age: Redemption
Hello, today sees the release of multi media tie-in webseries, Dragon Age: Redemption. I enjoyed Dragon Age: The First Game and found it to be a deep, complex, and very well written fantasy world. A webseries set in the same universe would surely be an instant hit. Redemption stars Felicia Day out of that webseries about MMORPGs that the kids all like, and she was in that Joss Whedon show, and that other one, oh and that singing supervillain webseries that everyone loved. It also stars Doug Jones who was Abe Sapien in that film where Ron Perlman wears red paint.
So the pedigree is there, let's have a watch and I'll jot down my thoughts as we go along.
0:25 - This is taking forever, we've only just got to the title card. You know what's good about games? You can usually skip the endless title cards at the beginning.
0:30 - And so we begin with a massive chunk of expository text. This is always a bad sign. If you have to write down the entire background to your film and force the audience to read it before they can start watching, there's something wrong with your plot/script.
0:42 - More text and, as Mr Richard Cobbett pointed out, someone keeps splashing blood all over the background. Although splashing blood on everything (and using the accompanying blood splatter sound effect) is a fine Dragon Age tradition as you will soon realise.
SUPER NERDY OBSERVATION ALERT
0:45 - This bit about "The Qun" is very simplistic and slightly misleading. What I gleaned from the playing Dragon Age 2 is that it's basically communism with a caste system. Peasants from a feudal system encounter The Qun system and sometimes decide that they're better off working for/with the Qunari so up sticks and leave their noble masters. I don't think there's any evidence in the game lore of anyone being 'forcibly' converted (other than in unreliable accounts from the nobles who have lost subjects to The Qun or from Qunari occupied villages that mass converted to it). That's what I like about Dragon Age though, it's complex and you can never really know if you're being told the correct version of events. Seriously, you should give the game a try. A five minute webseries is always going to struggle to convey the complexity of an 80+ hour game.
NERDY OBSERVATION OVER
0:55 - More text. Mages, power struggle, blah, blah.
1:10 - Finally, a set and some actors!
1:13 - "This will make you talk." Not if you put a knife in his throat, it won't.
1:26 - The guy on your right, look at his armour - it's paper! Look at it! That's papercraft armour!
1:44 - Hey look, it's Doug Jones! Hi Doug! I hope Del Toro makes another monster movie soon so you don't have to keep appearing in stuff like this.
1:45 - Sorry, I should say that Doug is playing a Qunari. There supposed to muscle bound giants. It looks like they only managed 'taller than average'.
2:22 - Magic Fingernails of Choking? I don't remember this spell from the game.
2:35 - Well, that's the opening sequence over with. Didn't it remind you of a live action intro to a terrible 90s game when live action in games was all the rage - ON CD-ROM?
2:48 - Those pig carcasses look very plastic. Maybe fantasy pigs are made of plastic in Kirkwall?
2:53 - Why is she chopping the same bit of pork over and over? Is it because it's not really meat and therefore an illusion of butchery, carefully constructed for our entertainment?
3:19 - "Knife-ears" is the crappest fantasy racial slur I have heard. "Hey you, yeah you! Your ears look like knives! Hahahaha!" "Uh okay, see ya." The world of Dragon Age is supposed to be a horribly racist place, the least they could do is come up with an insult that would actually cause offence rather than mild annoyance.
3:25 - So this fight doesn't make a lot of sense, she seems to parry his knife with a bone and outmuscle a man who's got several pounds in weight on her. I know this is supposed to establish Felicia Day's badassery but they could have at least coreographed the fight to make it look credible.
4:00 - This Qunari's wig is... incredible.
4:24 - Hey look it's the low cut suit of armour that provides no protection to the chest! Hooray for Armour of Fan Service +1!
4:48 - She jumps out of a tree so hard that her hood magically removes itself from her head rather than dropping forward and covering her face.
5:03 - "I'll carve it out of you - but my battle axe is made of rubber, so can I borrow a knife?"
5:15 - Look, it's the man who wears paper armour! And in bright daylight the armour looks as flat, thin, and two-dimensional as paper!
5:25 - So the choreography for this fight is, "wave your weapons in circles in the air and then Felicia does a backflip to redraw her knives which she had already drawn in the previous shot."
6:08 - Look out! A slight incline! Someone might fall down that and graze a knee!
6:28 - Nooooo! They fell down the slope! The grazing! The terrible grazing!
6:34 - It's okay, Felicia did a cool action pose after rolling down the incline so she's fine. The other guy probably has a nasty cut on his knee, maybe even a bruise on his arm.
6:38 - And just for the fans, here's a Nicola Bryant style cleavage shot of Felicia while on top of a man.
6:51 - She puts her knives against his throat.
6:54 - Cut to his face and there are no knives against his throat, in fact, nowhere near.
7:00 - Blood!
7:02 - Which then splatters all over the credits.
Okay, that was bad. Felicia does not convince as a cool, deadly assassin and everyone else in it is clearly from the local amateur dramatic society (apart from Doug Jones of course). I don't understand why EA/Bioware would give the go ahead on this series without providing some help with the budget. This is not a good introduction to the Dragon Age world and it will surely struggle to pull in the casual fan based on the production values on screen. If I didn't know anything about Dragon Age, this would not convince me to investigate further. However, this series will probably get a healthy number of views due to the power of Felicia (in fact it's already at 40,000 within a couple of hours of release) so I'm sure there's some kind of plan behind it. I'm just not sure what the aim of this webseries is.
NEXT EPISODE - Lots more rubber ears as Felicia visits the elves.
So the pedigree is there, let's have a watch and I'll jot down my thoughts as we go along.
0:25 - This is taking forever, we've only just got to the title card. You know what's good about games? You can usually skip the endless title cards at the beginning.
0:30 - And so we begin with a massive chunk of expository text. This is always a bad sign. If you have to write down the entire background to your film and force the audience to read it before they can start watching, there's something wrong with your plot/script.
0:42 - More text and, as Mr Richard Cobbett pointed out, someone keeps splashing blood all over the background. Although splashing blood on everything (and using the accompanying blood splatter sound effect) is a fine Dragon Age tradition as you will soon realise.
SUPER NERDY OBSERVATION ALERT
0:45 - This bit about "The Qun" is very simplistic and slightly misleading. What I gleaned from the playing Dragon Age 2 is that it's basically communism with a caste system. Peasants from a feudal system encounter The Qun system and sometimes decide that they're better off working for/with the Qunari so up sticks and leave their noble masters. I don't think there's any evidence in the game lore of anyone being 'forcibly' converted (other than in unreliable accounts from the nobles who have lost subjects to The Qun or from Qunari occupied villages that mass converted to it). That's what I like about Dragon Age though, it's complex and you can never really know if you're being told the correct version of events. Seriously, you should give the game a try. A five minute webseries is always going to struggle to convey the complexity of an 80+ hour game.
NERDY OBSERVATION OVER
0:55 - More text. Mages, power struggle, blah, blah.
1:10 - Finally, a set and some actors!
1:13 - "This will make you talk." Not if you put a knife in his throat, it won't.
1:26 - The guy on your right, look at his armour - it's paper! Look at it! That's papercraft armour!
1:44 - Hey look, it's Doug Jones! Hi Doug! I hope Del Toro makes another monster movie soon so you don't have to keep appearing in stuff like this.
1:45 - Sorry, I should say that Doug is playing a Qunari. There supposed to muscle bound giants. It looks like they only managed 'taller than average'.
2:22 - Magic Fingernails of Choking? I don't remember this spell from the game.
2:35 - Well, that's the opening sequence over with. Didn't it remind you of a live action intro to a terrible 90s game when live action in games was all the rage - ON CD-ROM
2:48 - Those pig carcasses look very plastic. Maybe fantasy pigs are made of plastic in Kirkwall?
2:53 - Why is she chopping the same bit of pork over and over? Is it because it's not really meat and therefore an illusion of butchery, carefully constructed for our entertainment?
3:19 - "Knife-ears" is the crappest fantasy racial slur I have heard. "Hey you, yeah you! Your ears look like knives! Hahahaha!" "Uh okay, see ya." The world of Dragon Age is supposed to be a horribly racist place, the least they could do is come up with an insult that would actually cause offence rather than mild annoyance.
3:25 - So this fight doesn't make a lot of sense, she seems to parry his knife with a bone and outmuscle a man who's got several pounds in weight on her. I know this is supposed to establish Felicia Day's badassery but they could have at least coreographed the fight to make it look credible.
4:00 - This Qunari's wig is... incredible.
4:24 - Hey look it's the low cut suit of armour that provides no protection to the chest! Hooray for Armour of Fan Service +1!
4:48 - She jumps out of a tree so hard that her hood magically removes itself from her head rather than dropping forward and covering her face.
5:03 - "I'll carve it out of you - but my battle axe is made of rubber, so can I borrow a knife?"
5:15 - Look, it's the man who wears paper armour! And in bright daylight the armour looks as flat, thin, and two-dimensional as paper!
5:25 - So the choreography for this fight is, "wave your weapons in circles in the air and then Felicia does a backflip to redraw her knives which she had already drawn in the previous shot."
6:08 - Look out! A slight incline! Someone might fall down that and graze a knee!
6:28 - Nooooo! They fell down the slope! The grazing! The terrible grazing!
6:34 - It's okay, Felicia did a cool action pose after rolling down the incline so she's fine. The other guy probably has a nasty cut on his knee, maybe even a bruise on his arm.
6:38 - And just for the fans, here's a Nicola Bryant style cleavage shot of Felicia while on top of a man.
6:51 - She puts her knives against his throat.
6:54 - Cut to his face and there are no knives against his throat, in fact, nowhere near.
7:00 - Blood!
7:02 - Which then splatters all over the credits.
Okay, that was bad. Felicia does not convince as a cool, deadly assassin and everyone else in it is clearly from the local amateur dramatic society (apart from Doug Jones of course). I don't understand why EA/Bioware would give the go ahead on this series without providing some help with the budget. This is not a good introduction to the Dragon Age world and it will surely struggle to pull in the casual fan based on the production values on screen. If I didn't know anything about Dragon Age, this would not convince me to investigate further. However, this series will probably get a healthy number of views due to the power of Felicia (in fact it's already at 40,000 within a couple of hours of release) so I'm sure there's some kind of plan behind it. I'm just not sure what the aim of this webseries is.
NEXT EPISODE - Lots more rubber ears as Felicia visits the elves.
Monday, 5 September 2011
What If... Gareth David-Lloyd Was In A 19th Century Torchwood?
Yes what if SyFy had spun off this bit of awfulness from Warehouse 13 into a full show?
THE WORLD WOULD HAVE ENDED, DROWNED IN A SEA OF FANGIRL/GUY SQUEE.
Also, it would have been shite.
(But GDL himself was alright in it, maybe one day he'll get to appear in a good show)
THE WORLD WOULD HAVE ENDED, DROWNED IN A SEA OF FANGIRL/GUY SQUEE.
Also, it would have been shite.
(But GDL himself was alright in it, maybe one day he'll get to appear in a good show)
Sunday, 21 August 2011
TV Snark - Torchwood Miracle Day Episode Six
This episode was so full of filler I refuse to dignify it with a full recap. Rest assured nothing much happened for the majority of its fifty minute runtime.
I messed up and now can't make the video so now it's a half ass lazy recap instead.
Ernie Hudson is Stuart, a man who works for PhiCorp. Jack wants to find him as he thinks he knows everything that's going on. Turns out Stuart doesn't know anything and it's just an excuse to have Winston Zeddemore in an episode. Stuart hires someone to break into a top secret PhiCorp facility, that someone breaks in and finds... something. He then joins the 45 Club and kills himself. Oh yeah there's a "45 Club" that's for people who want to commit suicide. Apparently if you drop 45 floors then you'll fall into a permanent coma.
So the rest of the episode is spent following Jack as he stalks Stuart and everyone he works with. Jack eventually blackmails Stuart's secretary into helping him meet with Stuart and question him about PhiCorp over dinner. Stuart knows nothing. Other than another Russell T Davies 'mysteriously-named-thing-that's-supposed-sound-cool-and-enigmatic-but-isn't' The Blessed. That's all Jack finds out, it takes him half of the episode.
 |
| He's looking at me, Ray. |
Back in the San Pedro holiday camp, Rex is still on the loose with his video camera, Esther is still pretending to be Esther The Camp Administrator, and Colin is still being creepy and mental. We find out that Colin cannot pronounce the word, 'badminton' he says it, 'bad mitten'. This happens several times and is always hilarious. Rex eventually bluffs his way into trouble in the camp as he cons an increasingly stupid procession of guards. Rex is eventually captured and interrogated by Colin. Colin uses a pen to stab Rex in the heart a bit. This leads to more amazing Meki Phifer-in-pain acting (by 'amazing' I do of course mean shit). Esther eventually blunders her way to Rex's rescue and she uses the signature move of professional wrestler Tazz to take out Colin.
Colin rises from the dead like a B-movie villain but Esther is saved by the unconvincing solider, Ralph. Rex and Esther then escape with their video footage and release it to the world. Torchwood's reveal of death camps to the world is dealt with in a throw away comment at the end of the episode. The evil American politicians don't want to close the death camps, because they are EVIL. Or something. I assume RTD learned everything he knew about American government and corporations from watching Robocop and bad conspiracy thrillers.
As for Gwen's storyline, she spends the episode running around the death camp in Britain. She spends her time sneaking her father out (again) and shouting at a doctor for being a FILTHY NAZI. Yes, the whole concentration camp parallel is dealt with as subtly as usual. Gwen yells, "concentration camp" a bit and then decides to burn everyone in the concentration camp by blowing it up. That'll teach those evil corpse burners! TASTE THE FLAMES OF IRONY.
 | |
| FRYING TONIGHT! |
NEXT EPISODE: Gwen tazes Jack and takes him for a car ride. They gave it away in the trailer.
Saturday, 31 October 2009
It's Halloween - Here's A Scary Video
Okay, this isn't actually scary but it is zombie themed. Yeah, I know you're thinking, "But Aaron, or A-Dog if you prefer, zombies are totally played out. I don't want to watch another thing with their stupid, shambling/running faces." And I would agree with you normally, but this is a video starring Nick Frost AND Simon Pegg. Yes, it's Danger! 50,000 Zombies. Watch and learn as Nick and Simon tell you everything you need to know to survive the apocalypse.
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