TV Snark - Robin Hood: A Dangerous Deal OR Guy's Five Minute Romance

Another recap and so soon? What is wrong with me? Well, it's a belated attempt to be relevant to this series as I frantically try to catch up before the final episode is broadcast. That would be nice wouldn't it? That way I can start recapping Torchwood and not have the dead weight of Robin Hood hanging over me. Anyway, here's a very special episode with an irritating special guest.



It's night time and Isabella is sleeping in her newly won bed as Sheriff of Nottingham. Robin pays her a visit and offers an alliance and some light flirting, but all Isabella responds with is a call for the guards. Robin tries to make his escape via rope but Isabella cuts the rope causing Robin to fall a short distance and land on his arse. At this point Robin should really take the hint that Isabella doesn't want to work with him anymore.

The next morning Isabella is holding court as she tries to become "...the best Sheriff Nottingham has ever had." This demonstration of amazing judicial authority is displayed in a trial involving Meg (it's Ruby from Demons, urgh) who stands accused of not marrying someone. Hmm, not much of a crime that. All MegRuby has done is not marry one of four suitors, why is Isabella even wasting her time with this crap? Anyway, MegRuby uses her whiny, irritating voice to convince Isabella to indulge in some Girl Power and let her go free. Just as Isabella is about to find two other ladies and form a medieval Spice Girl group, Evil Lord Thornton Evilton appears to reclaim his wife. Mwah-ha-ha! He threatens to inform Prince John that Isabella ran away from home and her wfiely duties so Isabella lets him stay and bully her around. If I were Isabella I'd take the chance that the prince would be too busy attempting to find his lost crown and generally acting mad to care about her marital disharmony. In an effort to spare Isabella a beating, MegRuby informs Lord Evilton that there's a stash of gold in the forest so he sets off with Isabella in tow to dig it up. MegRuby is thrown in the dungeon.

The Merry Men have seen the return of Lord Evilton (in their cunning hoods up disguises, guaranteed to fool guards as it has in every bloody episode) and Robin vows to remove Lord Evilton from his newly stolen position of Sheriff. Whilst Robin and Kate are alone, Kate decides to kiss Robin. Hmmm, that's an unexpected development. There's been no build up to that other than some vague jealousy toward Isabella in previous episodes. Anyway, Robin doesn't really appreciate the kiss as he's worried about Much's feelings. It's all very Hollyoaks.

MegRuby is thrown into a cell next to Guy who is busy brooding and writing some new angsty poems for his journal. MegRuby whines at Guy and wishes that he'd go to Hell. Guy says he's already there (presumably because MegRuby just moved into the dungeon.)

Isabella is menaced some more by her evil husband. I have to say that he's more chilling as a villain than the usual cartoon characters in this show. Maybe it's the implied domestic abuse angle that makes things edgier and more uncomfortable? It certainly adds a sense of palpable menace to the scenes between Isabella and Lord Evilton. Kate and Robin have followed Lord Evilton and Robin decides to put a stop to Evilton's evil scheme of evil.

Guy and MegRuby bond some more in their cell. MegRuby complains that's she thirsty so Guy tells her to suck a stone. That's one way of getting her to shut up I suppose.

Lord Evilton manages to dig his way into a Norse burial chamber (well, small burial mound) and there's tons of gold inside. Lord Evilton kills one of his minions for looking at a gold necklace a bit funny (hey writers, we already know he's evil there's no need for the random killing of a henchman.) The Merry Men decide to ambush the cart heading toward the burial chamber so they can steal the gold from Evilton. Just as things get slightly interesting we cut back to...




...the dungeon where MegRuby and Guy are still bonding. MegRuby asks Guy if he's scared to die and Guy is all noble and stoic, thus melting her heart a bit. MegRuby then tries to eat some bread but throws it away because there's maggots in it but Guy is a gentleman so he dusts off the bread and picks the maggots out for her - that's love.

Whilst waiting in ambush, Kate talks to Much and asks him to have a word with Robin and tell him it's okay to go out with Kate. Much is understandably distraught at this. That tiny shattering sound? It's Much's poor little heart breaking. Ahhhh.

The Merry Men ambush the guards and Evilton but Much has an unrequited love flashback and gets knocked down during the fight, which allows the guards and Evilton to escape into the forest. Robin finds Isabella in the forest and she's ever so grateful for being rescued from Lord Evilton. She agrees to ally with Robin and hand over the Norse gold to him so he can hand it out to the peasants. Robin has Little John escort Isabella back to the castle. Unfortunately a chance remark from Little John about Robin and Kate sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G causes Isabella to instantly become evil.

Later that night the Merry Men decide to use the plan from last episode where they dress up in a dark robe and pretend to be Death. Tuck also puts on his best DRAMATIC SHOUTING voice.



The guards flee in terror leaving Evilton alone to be captured by Robin who immediately has him sectioned and sent to an asylum. What? What asylum? Where? Who is this strange old man that they conveniently found in the forest and why does he drive a cage around a forest at night? Lord Evilton is sent off to be incarcerated for seeing Norse ghosts. Uh, yeahhhhhh. Anyway, that's the bad guy dealt with so I guess it's the end of the episode. Thanks everyone, see you next time.


Oh, wait, there's more.

The next morning Much is still heartbroken so he decides to sneak off and leave the Merry Men. The theme from the Bill Bixby era Incredible Hulk should play at this point.

MegRuby is now freed from jail due to the return to power of Isabella. MegRuby talks to Guy as she totally loves him after her evening in the cell. Guy says that MegRuby made him think; yeah think of suicide! Zing! Ahem. Guy relates the sad tale of how he destroyed the last woman he loved. That's one way of saying it, some would say Guy totally stabbed her in the chest. Anyway MegRuby steals the keys to his cell so she can free him, but Isabella catches them in the act. Isabella decides to execute them both as she descends into villainy.

Isabella changes into more evil attire and meets up with the Merry Men in the forest in order to hand over the gold but she betrays them. Isabella is now wearing tied back hair to make her look more severe and she's wearing black. Look out Robin, evil costume change! Seems Isabella is fed up of men threatening her and trying to coerce her (which is a pretty decent motivation after her treatment at the hands of Lord Evilton, but it is very sudden) so she commands her guards to capture them. Luckily Much was passing by in his depressed haze and rescues the Merry Men with some stolen horses. Kate later asks Much where he'd been but he doesn't admit that he was trying to leave.

Isabella returns to the castle so she can oversee the execution of Guy and MegRuby as Isabella becomes more and more evil. She sits on the Sheriff throne(?) in a carefree villainous manner (in fact, quite a bit like Keith Allen usually does - gasp - do you think Isabella is possessed by the ghost of the Panto Sheriff?) Just as MegRuby is about to lose her head Robin interferes and shoots the executioner. Lord Evilton also miraculously reappears as he seems to have escaped the convenient asylum after a couple of hours of imprisonment; he chases Isabella into the castle while yodelling her name. Guy and MegRuby try to escape but MegRuby is stabbed with a halberd as they flee. Yes! I mean, nooooooooooooo!

The Merry Men steal the gold during the confusion while Robin resolves to save Isabella from Lord Evilton. Robin isn't needed though as Isabella fatally stabs Lord Evilton while begging for mercy. Robin is appalled - he only kills when he has no choice. What?! Robin, you totally murdered two guards last episode when you callously shot them in the back! Isabella has gone comploetely mad and tries to stab Robin too but he easily disarms her and takes his leave.

Guy carries MegRuby into the forest and finds a very picturesque leafy glade next to a pond and props her against a tree. She's dying. Sob. She always QUITE liked him. Sob. She's dead. Sob. Guy cries. Waaaaaahhhhhh.



Back at the Merry Camp, Robin kisses Kate. Two romances in one series? Robin, you dog.

NEXT EPISODE: Flashback episode! Starring Big Suze from Peep Show!